


goodbye

by lostalongtthewayy



Series: whatever it takes [11]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Parents Captain Hook | Killian Jones & Emma Swan, Swan Believer, cs future
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2019-04-30 15:35:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14500143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostalongtthewayy/pseuds/lostalongtthewayy
Summary: prompt: cs + Henry leaving Storybrooke + babyDuckling <3





	goodbye

 — ღ   —

It’s  _a_ day. One of  _those_ days that gets worse and worse no matter how hard you try to turn it around.

Emma almost hung the towel around midday, but actually managed to make it through five in the afternoon, in time for Killian to come home after work.

It’s her day with their kid; the one day of the week Emma usually looks forward to the most and yet…

It simply was  _not_ good.

Emma barely waits for Killian to walk all the way in the house before she’s already reaching for her keys. “Estella’s upstairs in her room.”

“Um, whu–” Killian stammers as Emma rushes past him, with not a  _hello_ , much less a kiss _._  “Where are you going?”

At the question, she actually freezes on her spot and turns. She shrugs, ignoring how much it kills her to see the confusion in his eyes. “Out,” she says, and it sounds pathetic — _she_  is pathetic, she  _feels_ pathetic anyway.

Honestly, she just can’t do it today anymore. She needs to go somewhere that isn’t home and —

“All right, I’ll…do you want me to save you some dinner?”

“I’m good,” Emma tells him quickly.

They look at each other, share a powerful look, and thankfully, Killian nods, somehow knowing she needs this without her saying much more. “Aye, all right,” Killian says softly in the end. “Love you, Swan.”

Emma nods. “You too.” She promises before stepping out the door at last.

— ღ   — 

Four hours later or so, Emma returns to a quiet house —a little too quiet if she’s being honest. Killian is in the living room; sat on the couch by himself. The lights are dimmed; a trusty drink of rum is in front of him while the fire burns in the fireplace.

Emma feels guilty immediately —not for needing the time away, but for leaving without giving him any sort of an explanation.

She settles by him on the couch without saying anything. She snuggles into his side and breathes him in deeply —he’s on his second drink and the fact that she can tell, almost makes her smile.

_Almost._

“What did Estella tell you?”

He doesn’t reply at first, he hums, hugging her to him tightly, making Emma feel properly at home just like that.

In the end, he softly says, “she only said mummy didn’t bring the stroller…”

“Actually—” Emma wants to set the story straight; take all the blame and then some, but then… “You know what? That actually sums it up pretty well.”

Killian looks at her fully, his eyes soft and understanding, trying to read her. “Hard day eh?”

Emma lets out a pathetic whimper and buries her face in his chest. “Yeah,” she replies simply. That is honestly the understatement of the century. “She was so mad at me, I don’t think she’s ever been mad at me like she was today. " She says, slowly forcing herself to look up at him. "I don’t even blame her, you know? I was horrible. I’m still so upset at myself and I’m not the toddler…”

Killian listens; he nods too, but Emma knows it doesn’t especially mean he agrees with what she’s saying.

“She adores you.”

“I know,” Emma agrees. “Today just  _sucked_ ,” she adds anyway and shrugs. “She’s three; she’s going to be good as new tomorrow, but… I still —I wasn’t…” she trails off, licking her lips, rethinking how she’s  _really_ feeling about all this. “She just deserved better than the mom I was today…”

“Emma,” he says softly.

She shakes her head, avoiding his eyes stubbornly.

“Love?”

“Um?”

“Do you want to talk about it? Do you want to tell me what really happened?”

She takes in a deep breath. “Yah…” She does actually. Despite of how horrible today was, she wants Killian to know about it. She wants him to listen and she wants him to  _understand —_ even when she doesn’t especially understands it herself right now.

Killian smiles at her, that encouraging little thing he always does for her when she needs that extra push to carry on.

It helps.

“Today wasn’t actually  _all bad,_ you know?” She says. “Estella and I drove to the city, it was pouring rain so that sucked, but she was still awesome about the whole thing. I did take the stroller at first, you know? But it was useless. I ended up getting soaked myself and so did the stupid stroller.”

“Okay.”

“We ended up ditching it and instead walking to the Children’s museum without it.” She tells him. “We had my umbrella and it actually wasn’t so bad then. Estella was wearing her ducky rubber boots so she  _loved_  that. We got to the museum just fine then, and we actually had a lot of fun …”

“That doesn’t sound too terrible love?”

“It wasn’t.” Emma agrees, smiling sadly. “Time flew by, she  _did_ have fun which was what I wanted for today but then…when it was time to leave, everything just went wrong.” She sighs, rolling her eyes at herself. “She ran out of steam. I was hoping she’d nap in the car for a little while before doing something else, but —she was just  _not_  having  _anything_. She was cranky and sleepy, slightly wet still from the rain, and for whatever goddamn reason, on top of everything, I lost my damn car.”

Emma’s frustration is hard to hide. She’s still so damn mad at herself. “I’ve never in my life forgotten where I parked a car, but I swear to God, I had no fucking idea where I left it. We walked somuchlooking for the damn thing. Estella was  _beyond_  exhausted _._ She cried  _so much_.  _I_ almost ended up crying myself.” She finds herself confessing uneasily. “I didn’t know what to do. She was  _so_  tired she didn’t want to walk anymore and I ended getting so upset with her even though it wasn’t her fault. I just needed her to walk so we could get the hell out of there and it was just such a  _fight_ with her _._ It was awful…”

“Oh love,” Killian coos, tilting her chin up with his finger, making her look up at him gently. “I’m so sorry.”

Emma shakes her head, shakes his hand away. “It’s not your fault, it’s not Estella’s fault either. I got in a mood and that poor kid —I sucked, I completely sucked today…”

“Emma,” he says, but Emma’s stubborn as ever and isn’t having it, she shakes her head strongly instead.

“She cried so much,” Emma repeats then just in case Killian didn’t hear her the first time.

And she knows it shouldn’t be such a big deal, kids cry, babies cry, she  _knows_ this, still… “I pretty much had to drag her alongside me as we walked up and down those stupid streets looking for my car.”

“You found it obviously.”

“Yeah,” Emma replies, eyes casting down to her hands on her lap. She shakes her head slightly. “Estella was so  _done_ by then; kid was  _pissed_ , wouldn’t talk to me, wouldn’t even  _look_  at me, didn’t even let me buckle her in the car. Took her a while, but did it all herself. She’d been really excited to visit the little Ducklings at the public garden later, but there was just  _no way_  either of us wanted to stay in Boston after that, so I drove us home…”

Emma’s glad when Killian doesn’t rush to say anything back. He instead hugs her tighter to him and Emma thinks that’s exactly what she needs in that moment.

She drops a tiny kiss to his chest and looks up into his eyes. “I don’t how what got into me today, I was just… I don’t know, I wasn’t … I just wasn’t great…”

He nods at her words,  _understandingly_  and Emma feels a little bit of that awful weight on her shoulders lifting.

Of course then he says… “I think I may know what might have gotten into you, love…”

She frowns at that —deep inside  _she knows_ it as well, but she doesn’t want to hear it.

She closes her eyes tight when Killian says it anyway. “Maybe you’re just  _sad_  Emma…”

And she wishes she didn’t know exactly what he means. Emma also wishes she didn’t agree with him so damn much.

Traitorous tears start pooling at her eyes immediately and Emma feels the urge to get away; she doesn’t want to face  _those_ feelings on top of the horrible day she’s had, but…

“I’m going to miss the lad a lot too, you know?”

She gives up then, she can’t do it anymore; she covers her face with her hands when the tears in her eyes burn so much she can’t stop them any longer.

Her heart aches —literally aches and for the first time today, she decides to just let it all out.

Killian’s a rock —quite literally he is. He doesn’t waver or falter as she cries against him. He holds her and strokes her back. He doesn’t rush her, he doesn’t tell her to calm down, or that everything’s well, because the truth is, even if Henry leaving is exactly what their kid needs, it doesn’t mean knowing that makes any of this any easier on them.

On  _Emma_.

“Do you want to talk about  _that_?”

Emma shakes her head against his chest.

Killian nods, humming softly. “That’s quite all right love,” he assures her. “I’m here whenever you’re ready, love —so is Henry.”

Emma breathes deeply but doesn’t respond.

“Estella is probably not even going to remember she was upset tomorrow morning. Everything’s going to be all right…”

“I hope so.”

“I  _know_  so, Swan…”

And the moniker alone makes her smile —he doesn’t use it as often anymore so when he does it’s that little bit more special.

“Thank you, Killian…”

“Always.”

— ღ   —

For the second day in a row, Emma comes home to find her daughter sleeping. Is just after two, so it’s actually not that odd that Estella is napping.

It takes so much in her not to give in to tears the second she sees her though. They are in Henry’s bedroom, Estella perfectly asleep, snuggled up next to him in all of her three-year-old glory. Henry’s distracted on his phone, the fingers of his free hand idly playing in Estella’s hair as the baby naps using him as her pillow.

To say Henry Mills adores his baby sister is the understatement of the decade.

To say Estella Jones idolizes her big brother is the understatement of the  _millennium_.

Emma waits by Henry’s door for just a little while longer, he hasn’t noticed her yet, so she stays quiet, just watching them.

It’s not strange, the way her heart starts aching the more she’s there, the more she realizes this may easily be the last time Estella gets to nap with Henry. The last time he gets to ‘ _babysit_ ’ her for them while they are both at the station. The last time he fixed her downright awful macaroni and cheese that is barely edible but Estella still loves (and eats) because Henry let her help and made of a stupid ordinary lunch an entire operation.

The last time she gets to spend time with both her kids in who knows how long.

“You know I can see you right?”

Emma groans, disguising her near almost breakdown with a laugh she has to force out and a silly expression on her face as she steps in the room. “Didn’t want to bug, you seemed to be handling it all just fine.”

“Right,” Henry says, lowering his phone to watch Emma moving to sit on the edge of his bed. He gives her a thoughtful look for a moment before asking, “You mean besides all the dishes in the sink and the blackened pot we nearly burned to ashes downstairs?”

Emma shakes her head, smiling; she doesn’t even have it in her to be mad about anything right now. “Yeah, I meant despite all that,” she tells him, before looking at Estella. “You got her to nap, that’s as much a success as any these days…”

Henry gives her that one; he matches her smile and nods. “She was good actually, I think I only had to tell her like five stories and she was out.”

“Only?”

“Yeah mom,  _only…”_

 _Mom_. Emma feels her entire face fall and crumple at that one. She hates it.

“Mom,” Henry whispers then.

Emma looks up at him, trying her best not to actually cry. “She’s going to miss you like crazy.”

Henry huffs a tiny chuckle. “I’m going to miss  _you_  a lot too mom.”

_Busted._

Emma sighs and just looks at them —the softly way Estella is snoring, the way her little hand clutches at her blankie and how impossibly close to Henry she is —as though she’s physically refusing to let go of him just yet.

Emma wishes she could be as blunt as Estella right then.

“You know,” Henry starts, bringing Emma back to reality. Her eyes snap to his and she listens. “I really love this place, and you, Killian, this kid,” he says looking down at Estella. “I —I’m obviously not going to be gone forev —I mean, you know I’m  _going_ to come back, right?”

Emma’s throat feels too tight to form words, so she just nods at him.

“I just need to do this —it’s, I…”

“It’s all right,” Emma interrupts, saving him from having to come up with explanations she truly doesn’t need from him. She does get it. She understands him. “It still sucks kid; we are all going to miss you so much.”

Henry nods, he looks away, and Emma feels an immediate need to say something. The last thing she wants is to make Henry feel guilty about his decision, about anything, really. “We weren’t shocked by your decision, you know? We understand, kid. You’ve been here in Storybrooke your whole life, pretty much…”

He nods, but then says, “Except for that one year in New York.”

Emma’s smile at that comes easy and genuinely. “Yeah, except for that one year in New York…” She agrees.

“It was a good year.”

She chuckles a little —the tears in her eyes be damned. “Yeah, kid, yes it was…” She says. “We were away from everyone, but I still don’t think I’d give away that year with you for anything.”

Henry thinks about it for a moment before just coming to the same conclusion himself. “Neither would I,” he says. “Although can you imagine how much fun it would have been to have Killian with us that year?” He asks her; suddenly his tone is playful and even excited.

Emma can’t help but grin. “Oh, I can.”

“New York would have driven him  _crazy_ back then! I’d pay cash money to have seen him navigate the big apple for the first time.”

Emma can’t exactly say that she doesn’t agree. Still, she’s the parent so... “Pray he doesn’t ever hear you making fun of him like this though.”

“Because of his old age and all?”

She laughs, can’t honestly help herself. “Maybe it is a good thing you’re going; I’d hate my husband daring you to a duel on his ship or whatever it is he does for that level of disrespect.”

“Mom,” Henry almost pleads, shaking his head and oh so short of rolling his eyes at her. He doesn’t though, instead he searches for her eyes, looks right through her and the sadness hiding behind her smile.

“I’ll keep in touch, I promise I will.”

Emma nods, somehow their little bubble of blissful denial bursting just like that. “You’d better.”

“I will mom,” he promises once more. “I’m going to be okay.”

Emma nods, she knows he is. “You will, kid. I love you, you know?”

He nods. “I love you too…”

— ღ   —

 

_._

_._

 

**Author's Note:**

> The way it works in my head;
> 
> \- Estella was born when Henry was 14 going on 15. So he’s 18ish when he leaves Storybrooke. I’ve had bits of this written forever since I always did think he’ll want to see something (a lot) more than Storybrooke eventually. It never truly occurred to me he wouldn’t do college, but whey, here we are lol :)
> 
> \- friendly disclaimer btw, CS babe numero 1 is going to stay Estella in my book lol This is subject to change after the finale and just how much of Baby Hope we see, but truly, I'm quite attached to Miss Estella so most likely I'm going to stick to her and baby Ollie as my go-to cs kiddos =)


End file.
